R.Kelly has been in the public’s eye for quite some time, and it seems like the legendary singer just can’t escape his past.

In a recent in-depth interview with GQ Magazine, the Buffut vocalist addressed a slew of topics from his father’s absent, childhood abuse, his relationship with Aaliyah, and much more.

The 49-year-old goes to say how when he was growing up, his father wasn’t around. He mentions, “If I could change anything, I would definitely have had a father around. My father. I would definitely say it affected me deeply as a young man, coming up. Who doesn’t want a father? Those are the beginnings, and those are what can dictate the roads you choose in life, and choosing them well. And it affected me.”

As the conversation continues, the Chicago native goes into details about a family member who abused him, as he recalls, “At first, I couldn’t judge it. I remember it feeling weird. I remember feeling ashamed. I remember closing my eyes or keeping my hands over my eyes. I remember those things, but couldn’t judge it one way or the other fully.”

R. Kelly also talked upon his relationship with the 90s singer Aaliyah and if they ever got married. “Well, because of Aaliyah’s passing, as I’ve always said, out of respect for her mother who’s sick and her father who’s passed, I will never have that conversation with anyone.” He adds, “Out of respect for Aaliyah, and her mother and father who has asked me not to personally. But I can tell you I loved her, I can tell you she loved me, we was very close. We were, you know, best best best best friends.”

To read the full interview with GQ and R. Kelly, click here.